What is this?

When did this start?
Was it when my roommate stopped looking at me?
Stopped smiling?
We don't talk anymore.
I don't like it.

What about when I slept over?
Was that it?
Did that change things?
You said it was fine.
It was late.

Will this weird sensation go away?
Is it here till I see you again?
Till I get home?
I want to but I don't too.
Roller coaster.

I'm having fun.
But thoughts
that I can't let out
and emotions
I can't express.

They fill inside.
I might explode.
That might be good.

And I could shatter.
And fall over all
those that I love.

And maybe I could
make them happy
all at the same time.

But I'm here with no one I can talk to face to face
And these emotions fucking hurt
because they're good
and they're bad
but it's all too fast
and it tears at my life
at my heart
at my mind.

And all I can do
is sit and type
and hope someone reads.
and that they will understand
from an ocean away.