"It isn't to you almost die, that you know how to truly live."
I said that once to my father while I was in a hospital. Reflecting on that I now center on compromise with life. In one hand you have life and all of its full potential. In the other you have loss and all of the dreaded things that come with it. Not sure what to think anymore about what is going on. I learned last night that she wants to last till my graduation.
When I hear that a full momentous swing of emotion fills me. The cancer has spread to her lungs, liver, pancreas, and throat and has doubled in size within three months. Seems as if it is all coming to a head, and I'm not sure what to think. I walked inside the other day and my sister was in tears. My mom had broken the news about the cancer getting worse. I asked her, "you OK sis?"
Smiling she shook her head replying, "yeah." I told her it would be alright and right now it is what we all we have.
"Yeah sis," I started out with a slight lecturing tone, "it's all we have and under the circumstances, eh it could be worse." I went on to say, "Dad is handling things pretty well, all things considered."
My father is a wreck with his emotions that are skin deep, and here I sit seeming emotionless as a fairytale is played out in front of me. This tale does not end within a fashion of good. I plead to you all: be thankful. Thankful for what you have next to you, thankful for what has been earned, what you love and loved. Thankful for everything. She won't make it to my graduation, but she'll know how much we love her. We'll see it through till the end. As a family. As people. We have to do this, for her.
I love her.